Today on our way to an event, we noticed a retirement home, as they are called, with the charming name “The Arms of the Redeemer.” Now maybe you find that comforting, if you are a Christian. You could be looking for just such a place to die, or you might be looking for a place for one of your beloved parents or grandparents to spend the last days.<\/p>\n
What if you are not a Christian? What if you are one of those poor souls who many Christians believe are going to hell? Maybe you are a Muslim or a Jew, maybe you are some other horrible pagan religion, or maybe you are an atheist. Perhaps you are just an addle-brained agnostic, too afraid to make the Occam razor-sharp choice between believing and not-believing.<\/p>\n
But we were lucky, as we read through the Sunday paper this morning. We saw another advertisement in the business section, especially for non-Christians. Now, you can sign up for The Gates of Hell Retirement Home, opening soon in a trailer court near you!<\/p>\n
Gates of Hell offers end of life care for the elderly, the infirm, and any other humans who find themselves doomed to die without the correct faith-papers to enter the Arms of the Redeemer.<\/p>\n
Gates of Hell offers an evening bar with unlimited drinks, a casino for you to gamble away your life savings, and several available pleasurable experiences, including non-traditional services from our specially trained nurses, available at no additional cost. Gates of Hell also offers free lodging and meals for your family, as long as they post a certain level of betting per day in our casino.<\/p>\n
Gates of Hell offers a complete line of incineration services after you pass away, including an option to have your ashes interred in our exclusive Oven of Eternal Burn.<\/p>\n
Welcome to the Gates of Hell Retirement Home!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today on our way to an event, we noticed a retirement home, as they are called, with the charming name “The Arms of the Redeemer.” Now maybe you find that comforting, if you are a Christian. You could be looking for just such a place to die, or you might be looking for a place […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-religion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spitnails.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}